


The Naughty List

by FawkesyLady (Tarma)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Dog Jokes, M/M, Naughtiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 19:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarma/pseuds/FawkesyLady
Summary: Remus is irritated with his lover and decides to make sure Sirius knows that he's Naughty and not Nice. Unable to defend himself, Sirius decides to own it.





	The Naughty List

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Christmas_Prompt_2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Christmas_Prompt_2018) collection. 



 

It was Christmas Eve, and Remus was conscripted to help Sirius wrap presents. The hour was getting late, and Remus didn’t really want to look at the clock. They were both working on the floor in front of the fire with two rolls of wrapping paper between them. 

 

Remus was tired and still ached from his last full moon’s transformation, so he wasn’t as tolerant as he might otherwise be. Especially kneeling on the hard ground for a chore that was being done Sirius-style: half-assed at the last bloody minute. 

 

“You know, if you’d just done your shopping last week with me, you’d be done and in bed right now.” 

 

Sirius’ long hair was tied back with a ribbon, one that was about to fall out at any moment. “I thought you’d want to get my gift in secret.” 

 

“What makes you think you deserve any such thing? Presents under the tree are for  _ good  _ wizards and witches.” Remus spoke entirely seriously but his eyes were crinkled in amusement. “And you, Sirius Black, are most definitely naughty.” 

 

Gasping, Sirius dropped the scissors. “Take that slanderous accusation back! I think you’ll find that I’m hardly naughty at all.” 

 

Rocking back on his heels, Remus lifted his eyebrows. “You stole my bacon this morning.” 

 

“You weren’t eating it!” 

 

“I was reading the article that you’d shoved under my nose from the Prophet.” 

 

Folding his arms in front of him, Sirius smirked. “Any piece of bacon that sits unattended shall be eaten by the proprietors. I think there’s a sign around here somewhere to that effect.” 

 

“You killed my Thai basil plants.” 

 

“Look. You said they weren’t getting water enough so I made sure there was enough! Maybe YOU should be more specific when expecting help with such fussy plants.” 

 

Remus growled. “You poured fire whiskey on them. Even if they hadn’t died from overwatering, I’d have never used them. Drunken noodles can’t grow by feeding herbs magical liquor, Sirius.” 

 

Pouting, Sirus sighed, “That happened months ago. I can’t believe that you’re still angry about that.” 

 

“Right, so after you ate my bacon and left none for me, do you know what I found in the shower?” 

 

Sirus had turned back to cutting the paper, perhaps sensing that Remus was not going to let this go easily. “A rubber duckie?”

 

“There was a massive mat of black hair clogging the drain. And no soap.” 

 

“Black hair in a Black’s bathroom, fancy that. I don’t see what the problem is.” 

 

“You’d had problems with it too because the floor was covered with heavily sodden towels. I hadn’t realised it before I’d stepped into the shower, but you’d used the entire cupboard. Not a single dry towel in sight.” 

 

Snorting, Sirius pulled the paper about the box, spello-taping it to the cardboard. “If I hadn’t used the towels you’d have complained about the ankle deep water.” 

 

“I know it might be difficult to wrap about your … magical mind, but you don’t have a house elf, Sirius. You have to clean things up in the flat. Lily won’t do it, James won’t do it, and I don’t know why you think I am going to do it.” 

 

“ _ Peter _ wouldn’t mind. Solid man’s wizard, he is.” 

 

Remus used his wand with precise motions, enchanting a ribbon to wind itself about a wrapped parcel jauntily. “He’d notice, he just wouldn’t say anything. Besides, he’s always been a slob like you are.” 

 

“Cleaning up water on the floor isn’t naughty, Remus. I call foul!” 

 

“Using the last towel and not making any provision for others is most definitely naughty. You know how I hate being cold!” 

 

Sirius licked his lips before offering, “You know I’d help warm you back up. In fact, where was I? I dislike missed opportunities.” 

 

Flatly, Remus answered, “Shopping, like a bloody idiot on Christmas Eve.” 

 

“Sorry, Remus.” 

 

Sirius really look sorry, but Remus wasn’t buying it. He’d fallen for the puppy dog eyes too many times. He looked over the remaining packages to be wrapped. He’d done twice what Sirus managed. He’d better slow down. “Explain the poop down in the garden.” 

 

“Well, when a dog needs to go number two, he finds a clean spot…” 

 

“The land lady’s garden is not acceptable.” 

 

“But I had to go, you know dogs go when they have to go. At least it was outside.” 

 

Remus was really starting to get upset now, “You are not a dog, you are a wizard! Vanish your own stool, for fuck’s sake.” 

 

“I thought you’d enjoy it. There’s quality entertainment value.” 

 

“You thought I’d enjoy having to clean up your shit, whilst explaining once again how well trained you are to our poor, muggle land-lady? Should have been fun for me, is that it?” 

 

Sirius chuckled, ruining his attempt at looking innocent as newly fallen snow. “But it was SPARKLY poop.” 

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Remus grabbed another object and used a wand to wrap it, not caring two straws for quality. He wanted to go to bed. After a moment, curiosity spurred him on to ask, “Did you eat the tinsel off of Lily and James’ tree, then?” 

 

A shaggy head fell in Remus’ lap, the ribbon was gone, probably amidst the rubbish that had accumulated about Sirus’ work. “Maybe.” Wrinkling his nose, Sirius went on, “I was trying to figure out was in the box with my name on it. You know Padfoot can’t resist just a taste.” 

 

“Padfoot is lucky he didn’t get caught. Lily would geld you if she caught you snooping around her tree after what you did last year.” 

Rolling his eyes, Sirius said, “Look, I didn’t know that electricity was so picky. I mean, the cord’s wrapped in rubber, isn’t it? Like a little rain jacket.” 

 

“You shorted out the fuse box with that stunt. It took  _ hours _ for James to figure out what to do to get the power back on. He had to call me to help.” 

 

Shrugging, Sirius said, “I thought it was a lovely evening. We built a roaring fire, played games. It was fun!” 

 

“It was cold and dark at the Potters on Christmas Day because  _ you _ pissed on the Christmas tree.”

 

In a small voice, Sirius said, “I liked the tree. And you did come over, didn’t you? I wanted to see you.” 

 

Remus paused, looking down at the wizard who’d moved further into his lap. “You could have asked.” 

 

“I could  _ not _ . You were too shy. You’d never have said yes.” 

 

“You’ll never know now, will you?” 

 

“Remus, you know I won’t be happy if I have to spend Christmas without you. Please do come with me to the Potter’s.” 

 

“You know I  _ have _ to stop by my parents, Sirius. Mum’s counting on me.”  

 

“Right, well if you aren’t back by two o’clock, I’ll chew the cord through on the lights and blame it on Harry. He’s crawling around and getting into everything.” 

 

“Padfoot, don’t put the baby in danger. Frayed electric cords will start a fire. I’ll be over as soon as I can.” 

 

Properly scolded, Sirius fell into silence. He wasn’t wrapping gifts anymore, and Remus was down to the last three presents. 

 

Maybe he was being too hard on him. It is Christmas. “Sickle for your thoughts?” 

 

After a pause, Sirius said, “I’m not sorry for peeing on the tree. I mean, I’m sorry I made a mess, but I’m not sorry about how things turned out.” 

 

“So you admit that you were naughty? Glad we’ve gotten that cleared right up.” 

 

A hand reached up and caught Remus by the wrist, stilling his wand work. “Remus, I’m being serious here.” 

 

“Naturally.” 

 

“Merlin, Remus… just listen to me. I’m not fooling around. That was one of the happiest nights of my life. I’d not trade it for anything.” 

 

“It was as cold as a Penguin’s arsefeathers.” It was that very night they’d first slept together as lovers, at first huddling for warmth, but Sirius changed everything by confessing his attraction to Remus. 

 

A sliver of a smile appeared, “I know. It was perfect.” Sirius drew Remus’ hand down and gently took the wand from Remus’ hand, setting it down as he began to kiss the scarred knuckles. “This year I’ve been the happiest I can remember. Because of you.” 

 

Remus took in a deep breath through his nose, trying to decide if he was going to go along with this. Two presents left. He really should just get them… A gasp escaped him as Sirius moved from light kisses to sucking on his fingertips, one by one. 

 

“And if I’m going to be on Santa’s naughty list, I think I ought to take full advantage before starting over again next year.” Sirius was propped up on one elbow, slowly kissing his way up the sensitive skin on Remus’ wrist. 

 

“Advantage?” Remus’ eyes fluttered shut, and he stopped worrying about the wrapping paper, the ribbon, the hour. 

 

Sitting up fully, Sirius leaned in to press his lips to Remus’ ear where he breathed, “I’m going to be naughty right now.” 

 

Swallowing, Remus answered, “You’re terrible at it. That feels really nice.” 

 

“Just giving you a chance to finish scolding me before I fuck you senseless. I’m going to make sure that you forget every irritating thing I’ve done.” He was loosening the buttons of Remus’ shirt, kissing him at the pulse point at the base of his neck.  

 

Opening his eyes, Remus answered with a wicked smile of his own. “Oh, I’d like to see you try that.” 

 

“Challenge accepted.” 

  
As the clock tolled Midnight, Remus laughed. “Merry Christmas, love.”

 

“Perfect. I’m going to unwrap my present right now!”

 

Sirius unbuckled the belt holding Remus’ jeans up, and Remus gasped, “I love…” A squeak escaped him as he was being unwrapped with increasingly reckless force, “...it when you are... you’re this sort of  _ naughty. _ ” 

 

Chuckling, Sirus sat up and pulled out his wand, “Accio chocolate sauce.” 

  
“It is so… much better than  _ nice. _ ” 


End file.
